The memoir train has left the station.

After reading two superlative memoirs, The Late Bloomer's Revolution and Lost in Detroit, I felt recharged about the genre and plunged right back in, only to find Quiet, Please (see earlier post for my lukewarm reaction to that one) and Bar Flower: My Decadently Destructive Days and Nights as a Tokyo Nightclub Hostess.

I now know two things: 1. I have to back away from memoirs again for a while.  And 2. I never want to go to Japan.

I know that's culturally insensitive.  But I can't help it.  And it's a totally weird feeling, because whenever I read about different cities or countries, I usually feel a strong desire to GO there.  This has never happened with Japan.  When I read things about Japan, like A. A. Gill's chapter on it in his book A. A. Gill is Away, or Lea Jacobson's Bar Flower, or this blog article about Japanese sex shops (ALERT: that link leads to a fairly graphic and completely weird blog post about specialized sex products in Japan), it makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction.

Bar Flower is not a bad book, and it shed light on a new (to me) profession.  Jacobson went to Japan to teach English, and eventually went to work as a bar hostess in an upscale area in Tokyo.  Evidently a lot of bars in Tokyo offer women for Japanese men to buy drinks for and talk to; they're not prostitutes, they simply provide companionship (including paid "dates," which bar hostesses are expected to line up with paying customers for their off-work hours).  They also differ from geishas, in that they do not wear traditional garb or play that role. 

The bar scenes weren't actually the most disturbing to me.  Early on Jacobson lived with a host family, and she describes some of the unwritten rules for women in the house:

"Because and only because thou possesseth a vagina, thou must: Sit up straight with legs closed at all times; help mother to prepare dinner; serve dinner to the penis-possessing members first; assist in cleaning and dishwashing; not bare thy shoulders even in August, and pretend not to notice when the penis-possessing members stride about in their underwear; and whenever possible, thou shalt not acknowledge thine own presence." (p. 25.)

Now, none of that sounds overtly horrible.  But combine it with a larger memoir where women make money by smiling at, never disagreeing with, and wiping condensation off men's glasses in a way meant to be suggestive, and you've got a memoir I couldn't finish. 

Comments

[Susan]

I have little time now, but will add more later. Let me begin though.

I lived in Japan for three and a half years. Most were quite pleasant. I taught English and was paid well and treated very well. I went to incredibly beautiful festivals, temples and shrines. Strangers and neighbors were mainly generous and friendly. My experience was similar to that portrayed in "Learning to Bow."

Sexuality in Japan is quite another kettle of fish. It has this lurid side. Marriage is more of a contract and real kindness or devotion are expected. Infidelity on the part of males is to be expected and there's rampant pornography in public.

[Citizen Reader]

Susan,
This is very interesting. I should not make blanket statements, I realize, and of course, if someone paid my way to Japan I would go because it is always good to see something new. But, as I am a little leery of going to France, where I don't know the language, you can imagine that the idea of going anywhere in Asia is intimidating for that reason as well!

Of course, with fuel prices and air travel issues, going anywhere probably isn't going to happen for a long, long time.

I'm glad you had a good experience in Japan. I am also glad you were paid well! (So much work in this world is not.)

[Citizen Reader]

I must also say that I liked their way of answering the phone: "Moshi moshi." Almost as good as the British "hel-LO."

[heather (errantdreams)]

Sounds like quite a depressing memoir!

I highly recommend 'Waiter Rant' when it comes out later this summer, by the way. I absolutely loved it.

[Citizen Reader]

Heather,
It was, in a way, although I did find myself feeling real sympathy for the author, who had some issues with alcoholism and body image. I wouldn't say I liked her but I didn't dislike her, surely.

I reviewed "Waiter Rant" for Library Journal! (Small world.) I did like it, but what was with the first chapter starting out with such harsh language? Once it settled down from that, I agree with you--it was a great read! (Thanks for looking out for good memoirs for me--I love memoir suggestions, because there's SO many of them out there.)

[Katharine]

Ohhh...looking forward to "Waiter Rant"...remind me to tell you about the one cent tip incident when I was working at a cheesy mexican restaurant, it involved my husband (boyfriend at the time) and a family going to a truck rally (not kidding.)

[Bookie]

I really feel like I need to take a scalding hot shower with a brittle pad because I had to go and click on that Japanese sex toy link you told me not to click on. It's my fault, I know, but you kinda set it up for me so its actually your fault really, that I feel so dirty.

[Citizen Reader]

Bookie dahling,
I did warn you! How do you think I felt, searching google for that blog posting I only vaguely remembered so I could provide that link? Goodness, I hope I never have to turn my computer over to law enforcement, that could be embarrassing. Moshi moshi! And enjoy your scalding hot shower.

[The Laundress]

aw nuts.

Comments got eaten TWICE.

Love this post and the comments, hope that Susan will share more soon.

I think I have watched far too much anime with the odd lot that turns up for library anime screenings, because I visited your Japanese sex shops (and vending machines) link and just came away with a kind of tender affection for the blogger and his embarrassing interlude with the beer can. NO desire for a scalding shower, and hey, I am a hair-shirt penitent Catholic girl.

Anyhow, what I have picked up from anime is that while men rule overtly, females are usually the sensible and likable heroes. Panty peeking and stealing is some kind of shorthand, just a pratfall -- not to be taken too seriously.

I would love to visit Japan!

Will also be queuing up for a library copy of "Waiter Rant" but no interest in "Bar Flower".

thanks for tipping me off to both titles!

tl

[Citizen Reader]

Laundress,
I'm sorry your comments keep getting eaten! Thank you for persevering.

I must admit, I just laughed and laughed and laughed that the guy used his beer can, and then his friends asked him about it the next day. So yes, that was very funny. The geisha tied up and the little girl on the potty? Still kinda icky, I can't pretend otherwise.

That is an interesting take on anime, by the way--I will certainly bow to your wisdom on the point, since I've not seen any of it (with the exception of Sailor Moon, which I used to watch religiously in the mornings. Tuxedo Mask, sigh.)

Susan, you still out there? I'm with the Laundress--we'd like to hear more about your experiences!

[Susan]

I put a list of a few of my favorite books on Japan on my blog "Ruined for Life." I recommend Donald Richie, whose written several books on Japan. He also has a regular Sunday book review in the Sunday edition of The Japan Times. It's available online.

[Susan]

Donald Richie, one of my favorite writers on Japan, had an interesting book review in this Sunday's Japan Times. Here's the URL: http://search.japantimes.co.jp/mail/fb20080629dr.html

[Susan]

FYI: Reportedly Japanese women have the lowest levels of sexual satisfaction according to a Univ. of Chicago study. http://smkelly84.blogspot.com/search?q=sex+asia

[Citizen Reader]

Susan,
Thank you for the pointer to your list of books on Japan--I've got a scary ol' TBR pile going right now but sometime, to balance out not-so-positive things I've read about the country, I'll have to reference your list and try some new titles.

The sexual satisfaction study? Hm. I've not read it yet so I'll reserve comment...