How far I got this weekend, and why.

After this weekend of reading, I'm going to have to start describing myself as flighty.  Fickle. Short-attention-spanned.

I would go on but I've lost my train of thought.

I started all kind of books this weekend.  I didn't finish them.  What follows is my very own walk of shame, or a recounting of how far I got in the books I read, and why I wasn't woman enough to finish them.

Title: Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach. Pages read: 117. Discussion: The title says it all, really. No one can fault Mary Roach for dull titles (Stiff and Spook). And it was interesting. And well-written. And amusingly foot-noted. But by page 117, I'll admit it, I simply could not read about vaginas anymore.  I was wearying of penises too but up to page 117 Roach's narrative is decidedly vagina-heavy.

Title: When You Are Engulfed in Flames, by David Sedaris. Pages read: 109. Discussion: This was a tough one to give up, because I am starting to like Sedaris more and more as time goes on. I was completely bored by his earlier books Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked, but somewhere in the middle of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim he started to win me over a little bit. And I enjoyed the parts of this book that I read, including his essays on his boyfriend (boyfriend? significant other? lover? I'm not sure what word to use, as Sedaris simply refers to "Hugh" and seems to assume that everyone knows all about their couplehood by now) Hugh's traveling style, a horrifying but somehow still hilarious experience he and his siblings had with a babysitter, he and Hugh's first apartment and their neighbor, and many other completely unrelated topics.  My favorite story was when he described how his sister Amy takes him shopping:

"'Buy it.' This is my sister Amy's advice in regard to everything, from a taxidermied horse head to a camouflage thong. 'Just get it,' she says. "You'll feel better.'

Eye something closely or pick it up for further inspection, and she'll move in to justify the cost. 'It's not really that expensive, and, besides, won't you be getting a tax refund? Go on. Treat yourself.'

The object in question may be completely wrong for me, but still she'll push, effectively clouding my better instincts. She's not intentionally evil, my sister, she just loves to see that moment, the split second when doubt is replaced by complete conviction..." (p. 56.)

That little story ends with Amy talking him into a sweater from the women's department, which is truly hilarious.  And the above is very, very, very well-written. I know just that moment that Amy Sedaris likes, the doubt-replaced-by-conviction moment, and Sedaris describes it with a miracle of economy.  Really good stuff.  So why did I stop reading?  I don't know.  Even when I really like him, I find 100 pages of Sedaris is about all I need to get by. I'm checking these books out from the library, after all, not buying them, so I can afford to read around wantonly.

Title: Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, by Chelsea Handler. Pages read: 149. Discussion: I really enjoyed the essays that I did read in Handler's collection. Better known as the host of E! network's Chelsea Lately and the author of a former memoir titled My Horizontal Life, about her collection of one-night stands, you can bet there's very little Handler won't say, which I enjoyed.  How she even managed to make getting hauled to jail on a DUI is beyond me (her sister had reported her for license fraud, as Chelsea had been using her older sister's ID before she turned 21, which is why she got thrown in jail). While there, I'll hand it to her, she does try to adjust:

"'What the fuck you thinking?' asked the woman in front of me waiting for the phone as she ran over and retrieved my sandwich from the trash. 'You can trade that for something.' Then she handed it back to me.

'What can I trade it for?'

'Candy, soda, pills, whatever,' she said. Finally, someone was speaking my language.

'What kind of pills?' I asked." (p. 57.)

Trust me when I tell you this woman is WILD.  Funny, but wild. And I can only read so much of that sort of thing before I start to get too nervous by proxy. Reading Chelsea Handler is like hanging out with a friend I had in college who was so seemingly unconcerned about her own personal safety that at one point she told me how she'd spent the previous night rambling around the north side of Milwaukee, at 2 a.m., in a formal gown, looking for the bus station to get back to Madison. She was exhilirating to know but exhausting to worry about.  Ditto with Chelsea Handler.

And there you have it. A weekend with very little closure, at least in the way of books. Here's hoping all the books you read this week are so good you'll have to finish them!

Comments

[BookWorm85]

Hi there - I noticed your post and thought you might be interested to know that currently, Barnes & Noble Studio is featuring Chelsea Handler in their Guest Books section - highlighting her 3 fav books of all time!

www.bn.com/review

[The Laundress]

Aw heck.

I am sort of ashamed to admit this, but I have yet to read an entire book by Mary Roach. She has great topics and amusing titles! Writes well, gets dandy reviews.

Hell, I was FIRST in line for "Bonk" and skimmed first few pages and left it by the side of the bed and then returned it "to fill new holds" before reading. Now back in line, will give "Bonk" a second chance, but tell me, which if any of her titles should I drag home first? wait for "Bonk" or go with "Stiff" or "Spook"?

Sedaris? Aw, c'mon he is a hoot and a charmer but no David Rakoff (many thanks for steering me into reading Rakoff!) I am still pissed with Sedaris for his weird and vague dismissal of quitting smokes. That did NOT ring true, read worse than Frey, IMHO.

Chelsea Handler? Who is she? Admittedly, being a cavedweller I don't know about her, but since first Katharine and now you have been favorable, well, that is mighty powerful positives. Will check her out!

Thanks again (I think) and you ARE persuading me that unfavorable reviews have a role in the book-world as well. Still kinda stuck on that and hoping you will elaborate.

Fondly

your laundress

[Tripp]

I can't find a link to it (maybe it was in his book) but Tyler Cowen argues that with nonfiction you really don't need to finish the book. You read enough to get the point, and then move on if you like. I am not sure if I agree, but I do find I happier if I abandon a slow going book for one I like better.

[Citizen Reader]

BookWorm 85,
Thanks for the heads up. Wow, the thing I notice about the Chelsea Handler page is that she is gorgeous. Holy cow. And her three choices are very interesting...

My Laundress!!
Well, Mary Roach is okay but I can't say I was ever a huge fan. Of the three, I think "Stiff" is probably the best, although I had a soft spot for "Spook" because it was so weird. I think you might actually prefer "Spook," which has been her least well-reviewed book so far.

I knew you didn't care for the Sedaris smoking essay, so I didn't even bother reading that one. Plus, just thinking about smoking makes me want to go buy a pack, stick all 20 cigarettes in my mouth and once, and light 'em up, so it's probably better I don't read those sorts of things.

Re: Chelsea, Katharine's her number-one fan, so you should consult her, but I MUCH preferred this book to My Horizontal Life, of which I could only read about 20 pages. But you never know--actually, I wonder if you wouldn't like My Horizontal Life--for some reason it seems like a fan of Augusten Burroughs (and I know you are) might like her memoir. Either way you should let me know. I'd be very curious to hear what you think!!

[Citizen Reader]

Tripp,
Hm, I will have to look for that Cowen link. I've never believed you had to read the whole book, there's too many books to look at and life's too short, but I still do prefer to find a book that compels me to read it, even if I don't have time.

Yup, get what you need and move on. I'm really quite heartless when it comes to using books, evidently.

[Katharine]

I watch Chelsea daily and I agree, she is one hot chick. I'll have to check out what she's reading. Laundress, I love her honesty and self deprecating humor, her show is on E at 10:30 every night, check her out.

[Citizen Reader]

Katharine,
Chelsea's choices are rather strange, but her reasons for them are pretty funny. And, Laundress, in case you miss Chelsea at 10:30, there's ALWAYS YouTube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9eh71M-azk&feature=related
("long-term 2-3 week relationship," ha!

[heidi]

Even though I'm snobby, I love a good, Foucauldian story about life in prison. I'm going to check out Chelsea Lately and see what I can find. I read "Petal Pusher" on your recommendation but ya know? It didn't go far enough for me. A lot of self-deprecation, not enough drugs.

[Kori]

I wish that Chelsea Handler would move her drunk, slutty, foul-mouthed self to Wisconsin and be my best friend. I enjoyed "My Horizontal Life" even more than her latest, but I found both mightily entertaining.

[Citizen Reader]

Heidi!
Well, if you're looking for more of everything, Chelsea Handler's your gal. I get the feeling there's very little she won't try, and then write about for the rest of us.

Kori!
Although it would be, well, an experience to be CH's best friend, I get the feeling good old WI may not be enough state to contain her. I worry that L.A. may not be enough to contain her. I may have to try Horizontal Life again, on your say-so.

[Heidi]

So, I'm just about to post this to my bitter divorced friend in South Florida - I think she'll love it and it will be exactly what she needs. And I did too. My favorite chapters were 'Big Red' and 'Costa Rica.' I laughed out loud all the way through Costa Rica - it isn't everyone who can call their dad "bitch tits" and publish it in a novel. Thanks for the recommendation! :)

[Citizen Reader]

Heidi,
I'm so glad you're sending the Handler to someone. It was indeed quite enjoyable; she's a wild gal and I can see her being quite inspirational to all types of women. Yes, "bitch tits" was one of her more memorable phrases. Much like the Sedaris family (love the story where David and Amy's mom brought home a prostitute to spend Christmas with them), I wish I could just watch the Handler family for a day.