Weirdest Book of the Week Award

...and it goes to: Gene Simmons, front man for the band Kiss, reality TV star, and now, author!

So what is the title of Simmons's newest nonfiction triumph? (He's also the author of Sex Money Kiss and Kiss and Makeup.) It's nothing other than...

wait for it...

Ladies of the Night: A Historical and Personal Perspective on the Oldest Profession in the World.

And the title pretty much says it all. Oh, except for this paragraph, which I really enjoyed:

"Men don't think about reproducing; they think about sex. Men are simple: they work, eat, sleep, and have sex. Women think about reproducing, because they are biologically built for it. They have breasts and childbearing hips. Starting at the age of thirteen or so, their menstrual cycle reminds women every single month of their biological imperative to reproduce. Men are oblivious to reproduction for the sake of reproduction. All we have is the urge to have sex. And lots of it."

Followed by this one:

"In modern times, some women get married. Some women date. Call it what you will: there is always a price...for the male. Today, when the male of the species takes a female out on a date, he will pay.* He always has. He always will. When a fifteen-year-old kid takes a girl to the movies, hoping for nothing more than a kiss at the end of the evening...he will pay. In every culture on the face of the planet, the male always pays."

Completely dry and surprisingly unerotic chapters follow, on such topics as "Ladies of Ancient Greece," "Ladies of the Middle Ages," and "Modern-Day Ladies." I can quite honestly say I've never seen anything like it. I can't imagine it why I requested it from the library, but when I saw the title and the author I just laughed and laughed. I owe it for that, as for various reasons I really needed the laugh this week. And perhaps the biggest laugh of them all?

Wait for it...

"For the record, I have never hired the services of a Lady of the Night. If I ever did, she would have to pay me." (p. 168.) Okay, Gene. Whatever you want us to believe.

*Boy, did I date cheapskate losers in college, evidently.

Comments

[J.S. Peyton]

"*Boy, did I date cheapskate losers in college, evidently."

Apparently, me too. Shoot, according to him, I'm dating one right now too.

[Citizen Reader]

What did I learn? I'll take a cheapskate over Gene Simmons any day. He may pay but I've got a feeling his dates all pay too! And how.

[Venta]

Just curious, CR. Did he research for this book or was it mainly his own ideas on the different topics?

[Citizen Reader]

Venta,
Well, it's not really "researched," it's more like a story anyone with some basic knowledge of history could make up: "So they had a god of wine in ancient Greece, and all their pottery indicates that they liked to get it on with girls and boys, as well as ladies of the night." Certainly nothing that's quoted, footnoted, or really researched.

The last part of the book is four Ladies telling their stories; Gene must know them even if he's never paid for it. What I found the most illuminating about their stories was that they were all the same: "I wanted massive amounts of money and things money can buy, and I discovered that men with massive amounts of money were happy to give it and presents to me for sex, so there's my career." There was certainly no mythologizing here that the women actually could stand or enjoy any of what they really had to do for the money, which was informative. My own personal belief is that men who buy prostitutes secretly like to believe that they're really, actually enjoying the sex part of it--and reading this book will emphatically put the lie to that story. It's actually kind of refreshing that way...although I'm sure any men taking this book seriously will still think, really, at the end of the day, ladies of the night really want "it." Ha very ha.

[Sarah]

Well, they want it from that PARTICULAR man, right? B/C THAT PARTICULAR man is God's gift . . .