Stop rewarding this man.

Welcome back!

Well, I'm feeling cranky about a book, so it must be time to start posting again. I'm not sure I'll be back on the full five-day schedule right away, but I'll do my best. I didn't get all the dandelions, but I got a lot of them, and I'm still behind on some projects, but that's no surprise. I wouldn't know how to work if I weren't motivated by being behind.

So what am I cranky about? Well, the other day I was looking at some new nonfiction titles and some bestseller lists, just trying to keep up with the ol' nonfiction world (although I've been reading more fiction of late...details on that to come!), when I saw the title The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship, by Jeffrey Zaslow.

Hm, I thought. Now that's a title I normally wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. (It's got "sentimental" written all over it, and I've never been one of those gals who needed a big ol' circle of women friends, primarily because I have two awesome sisters.) But, I wondered. Jeffrey Zaslow. Why did that name sound familiar?

I went on my merry way, but I kept seeing the book pop up, and I kept thinking, "Zaslow. Why do I know that name?" And finally I remembered that I live in the 21st century and I could easily Google his name. And then it all became clear. Remember one of last year's biggest sentimental claptrap titles, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch? (Dying professor gives last lecture to students, dripping with life wisdom and acceptance of one's mortality and all that jazz?) It was co-authored by Jeffrey Zaslow.

So, this year, because evidently The Last Lecture didn't make him enough money, Zaslow has decided to cash in on another trend, the importance of women's friendships (particularly as baby boomers, who have always been rather, let's say, fond of themselves, age and start to look back on their lives, experiences, and friendships), and has produced The Girls from Ames. It's about ten women friends (eleven, originally; one member of the group died at age 22) who went to school together in Ames, Iowa, and have stayed in touch.

There's really very little to review here. It's exactly the kind of book that you would think it is: it tells stories of how the girls met, where they all ended up, what challenges they've faced, who they married and how many kids they've had, and how they've all changed (or not changed) as they've aged. It's serviceably written and if you're into this kind of thing, I'm sure it's a fine read. And parts of it are very poignant--some of them had bad experiences in high school and college; one of them died too young; some of them have divorced and had children die; etc. And that's okay. Sometimes you need a good sappy read. (I'm guilty of that myself; see my enjoyment of Vicki Myron's Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World.) But I've got a couple of issues with this book:

1. First of all, why is this dude writing it? I know he wants to understand women and all, but for this type of book, I'd rather just see a woman take it on. For this reason, rather than this book, I'd suggest Cheryl Jarvis's The Necklace: Thirteen Women and the Experiment that Transformed Their Lives. Although it wasn't about lifetime friends, its premise that one woman advertised to find a group of women who would share ownership of an expensive piece of jewelry with her, and how they became friends, seemed less, you know, like a man telling a story of women's friendships mainly for profit.

2. This is how the book is described at Amazon: "It demonstrates how close female relationships can shape every aspect of women’s lives – their sense of themselves, their choice of men, their need for validation, their relationships with their mothers, their dreams for their daughters – and reveals how such friendships thrive, rewarding those who have committed to them." I found the "need for validation" clause EXTREMELY obnoxious. As though to be a woman is to have a need for validation.* I say, fuck that. And you can agree with me or not, I don't care. But wait. I am a woman, so I should care. Please agree with me? I need the validation.

3. I realize the above is the fault of some underpaid publishing assistant who is writing jacket copy, but this line, found on page 15, I'm going to blame completely on Zaslow: "As a clique, they had a reputation for being flirts--more social than academic, and more apt to tease boys than to please them. In reality, though, most of the Ames girls were very good students. And a couple of them actually pleased more than they teased."

Puke. So, all I can say is, I wish people would stop rewarding this man by buying his books. If you're desperate for a chicks bonding narrative, I'd look into The Necklace instead, and if you're interested in lifelong relationships, put this title down and invest in Peter Feldstein's and Stephen Bloom's superlative photography book The Oxford Project (which is also set in Iowa!) instead. But suit yourself. I wish I was woman enough to need the validation that your following my advice would provide, but I'm just not.

*And, "dreams for their daughters"? Are they not allowed to dream for their sons?

Comments

[Lisa]

Thank god you're back - I haven't known what to do with myself in those moments when I don't feel like working. I wish I could take off to pull my dandelions....but then I'd need at least a year, there are so many. At least you were still reading! Welcome back.

[Marie Browning]

Such overcompensation. The Necklace is proof that a woman author does not guarantee more insight into women's lives than man. It is true that women as a gender don't require validation; it is also true that only women can offer stories shedding light on women's experiences. It's hilarious that you can't see your own chauvanism at work.

No one would argue that The Last Lecture is Emerson or Schopenhauer or Sontag, but its content is unobjectionable and has provided solace to millions. Why write about a book just to sneer at it. The Necklace was no better a book and even more artificial than The Girls from Ames. I'm glad to learn about The Oxford Project, but I - - and everyone else I know who has read The Girls from Ames - - recommend it highly.

Don't be so cranky.

[Citizen Reader]

Lisa!
Good to be back. I'm always so, so glad to participate in any way in helping people not work. :)

[Citizen Reader]

Marie,
I appreciate the opposite opinion, although I fully reserve the right to be cranky. It may not be very womanly, but I enjoy it.

To your criticism of "The Necklace," I can only respond, "Fair enough." Just because it was by a woman doesn't make it better--but the important difference was it made me feel better about it. I also thought it was an interesting premise to get women you didn't really know to chuck in a couple of grand and own a really expensive piece of jewelry--even I, non-girly-girl that I am, love looking at big ol' jewels and wondering what it would be like to be the type of woman who owns such things. Banding together to purchase and share something also seemed more community-minded than not.

I respectfully disagree that the content of "The Last Lecture" was unobjectionable. I am certainly not glad that the author died from his cancer, but I still believe it is very objectionable to say you can have happiness if you just never complain and think positively. I sometimes wonder if a problem in modern society is that we don't complain enough, not only about things that are not working for us, but also which aren't working for other people.

I'm glad you liked "The Girls from Ames." Really! I think I am coming around to the opinion that I'm glad when people read anything. But it was not for me. And on the chance that it may not be for some other readers, I like to share that opinion. But then, I am a cranky, non-positive thinker who believes that women should have a lot more to talk about than men, children, and validation.

[Citizen Reader]

BTW,
I'm a total chauvinist. I love hearing from women on women (think Rachel Cusk on "A Life's Work: Becoming a Mother") and men on men (Michael Lewis in "Home Game.") But then I'd like everyone to get together and talk about them, regardless of who they are.

[Sarah]

How about the possibility that they went looking for a well-known, profitable co-writer? Perhaps they thought that previous success would rub off. Strictly a business deal. Perhaps, also, the final copy had to be approved by the women themselves. I have no idea what was in the process or the contract.

[Citizen Reader]

Sarah,
Well, it sounds like it was a little from column A, a little from column B. In his intro Zaslow discusses a newspaper piece he wrote on women's friendships, and how a multitude of women emailed him, including one of the girls from Ames. They did probably think it would be a mutually beneficial relationship. You raise an interesting question. Typically reporters (which Zaslow is) don't really have to get final approval from their subjects, but maybe for this book he did. I do wonder, do they get kickback? I should have looked more carefully in the back if some proceeds were going to the women or to charities or what.

I'll tell you one thing. If I was a girl talked about in this book, I wouldn't approve the line "some girls pleased more than they teased." I think that is just so cheesy.

[Gayla]

Hello,
I'm so glad you are back and have really missed you :))
I couldn't agree with you more on your entry about "The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship, by Jeffrey Zaslow". You said it all with the word puke.
And Marie and her friends highly recommending this insult of a book is just amazing to me.

Thank you as always for your insight and your contributions.

Take care,
Gayla L.

[All good, all the time]

Wasn't Schopenhauer a bit of a crank?

[Citizen Reader]

Gayla!
See, I didn't think I was the only one who might be annoyed by what seemed to me a very narrow interpretation of "womanhood." I'm with you, sister!

This might have been a better way to phrase it, though: Can you (or anyone reading this) think of a better book about womanhood, friendships, etc.? Let's put together a list of better books on this subject. If "The Necklace" doesn't meet with approval, what about Ann Patchett's "Truth and Beauty: A Friendship" about her sometimes difficult but enduring friendship with author Lucy Grealy? How's about it? Anyone? Better Chick Friendship books?

[Citizen Reader]

All Good,
I love cranks. If he was, I'm going to have to start reading some Schopenhauer. Does Kierkegaard count as a crank? I've always wanted to read him too.

After we put together a list of Better Women Friendship books, let's put together a list of books by Cranks We Love. First on that list would be Jim Knipfel's "Ruining It For Everybody," which is the best spiritual autobiography ever, and has the best tagline ever on its back cover: "When I hear the word spiritual, I reach for my revolver."

[bybee]

Aaaargh, that quote from "The Girls From Ames"...I'm typing with my head hanging over the wastebasket.

[Citizen Reader]

Bybee,
You like that one, don't you? I thought I'd tease you more than I'd please you with just that snippet.

All I can say is, damnit to hell, I could have used an awesome line like that in high school. "Well, you should know I tease more than I please."

[Care]

This is just CR at HER finest! great post, fun-to-read comments.

[Becky]

Hey, I totally F***ing validate you!

[Brandon]

I bet Zaslow is a virgin.

Okay, that's a juvenile thing to say about someone you don't know. But between "The Last Lecture" and this book, I get the feeling that lil miss Zassypants is gunning for Oprah. I think HE'S the one who wants validation. Put an Oprah sticker on this bad boy and he'll have hordes of women, all of whom need, you know, "validation," eating out of his hand.

[lesbrarian]

Please continue to be cranky and cynical. Please.

I would rather die than read a book about the empowering nature of women's friendships. I am not exaggerating. I. Would. Rather. Die.

Fried Green Tomatoes. That's the ticket. Absolutely beautiful book about women's lives, but not at all saccharine, and also there's a murder and lots of death and malaise. But it's a happy book despite all that. Probably helps that Fannie Flagg is a lesbian. (Or bi? Can't remember.) Leave it to a sexual minority to tease out the important parts of friendships.

Didja know she and Rita Mae Brown were lovers?

I think I have to go reread Fried Green Tomatoes now.

[Citizen Reader]

Oh, Care,
How did I know that me at my finest would involve me being cranky? Thanks for the nice comment. I agree the rest of the comments have really made this post worth the price of admission. Good job all!

Becky,
I'll totally have you swearing at this site and your site before we're throughT

[Citizen Reader]

Brandon,
Be juvenile all you like. I am still laughing about "Miss Zassypants." Forever after now, when I see "Zaslow" (and I'm sure he'll pump out many more pandering books like this one) I will think "Miss Zassypants." Although I doubt very much he is a virgin. I would bet, in fact, that he was the type of boy who got pleased more than teased. I'm sure he's always been a master of the "look interested in what a girl is saying and they'll do anything for you" school..."No, really, honey, tell me more about your gals' friendships. It's fascinating...and so are YOU." Ugh! I can just see him saying it.

[Citizen Reader]

Lesbrarian,
Did you know I have never read Fried Green Tomatoes? It's not sappy? Do you promise me? Should I read that or Owen Meany first? I have GOT to read one of them this summer or you'll disown me.

I did not know about FF and RMB. Tres interesting! You are a font of reading trivia. Nicely done.

[lesbrarian]

Citizen Reader (and anyone else who's interested in hearing at length about Fried Green Tomatoes),

While you and I don't have a lot of fiction books in common, we do both despise Jodi Picoult for exactly the same reasons. Any book I do like, ergo, is going avoid Picoult's sins: sappiness and melodrama and artificial emotion and self-importance. Since most Women's Fiction books (and Southern lit, too) share some of those elements, it's the rare Southern Women's fiction book that I'll recommend.

Let's put it another way: I love Florence King's memoir Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady. I do no like the novels of Kaye Gibbons (who got caught falsifying prescriptions to feed her drug habit, how's that for reading trivia?).

All that said, you can safely accept my recommendation for FGT. It's a beautiful story, but it's not cheesy, not sappy, not saccharine. There are some positive messages, but it's not a heartwarming book. You might feel better when you finish, but you won't be all glowey and warm and mushy about your fellow humans.

I still think A Prayer for Owen Meaney is the better book, but I'm not going to advise you toward one over the other. How about you check them both out, read the first chapter of each, and roll with whichever strikes you? If neither suits your mood that day, put them both aside and come back when you're ready. Both are good enough that you should wait until you *want* to read them. I'll disown you at some point if you never try them, but I don't want you struggling through when you're not in the right frame of mind for them.

FGT is the shorter book, if that helps. And one more thing: the movie is pretty good. Its tone and feel faithfully recalls the book... but the book's a heckuva lot better. (If you haven't seen the movie, put that off till after you read the book.)

[All good, all the time]

Lesbrarian,

Haven't read FGT. Did read APFOM a long long time ago. I really got sucked into it, and then toward the end, it was just too much, even though it didn't live up to its beginning. My memory of it is not great. Any idea why that might be?

What do you think are its strengths?

[lesbrarian]

Dear All Good, All the Time:

Actually I should recuse myself from discussing A Prayer for Owen Meany, on the grounds that I've probably lost my perspective. I love the book so much that I can't see its failings. But what the heck:

First and foremost, it's a good story. Lots of authors address big themes, but not many can weave those themes into a page-turner. Irving takes on religion, politics, faith, war, and friendship, all within the context of a non-preachy Christ story. And while most people who write about these themes try to be thought-provoking and original, Irving is one of the few who manages it. I found myself reexamining, and CHANGING, my own beliefs because of the book.

I love the characters. I love that the main character is doomed. (This is what happens with Christ stories.) It was emotional and powerful and unforgettable... I see those words on the backs of book covers all the time, but APFOM deserves them.

[katharine]

I am going to reread APFOM this summer now. I have always listed it as my favorite book, but have forgotten why, so it may be time to revisit. Maybe we can have a mini book discussion about it when you finish it too.
By the way, I love your cranky reviews CR, keep 'em coming.

[Ruthiella]

I read both "A Prayer for Owen Meany and Fried Green Tomatoes" way back when. While I enjoyed "Fried Green Tomatoes", I primarily read it only because I had liked the movie. However, I loved, loved, loved "A Prayer for Owen Meany". That and "The Cider House Rules" are, in my opinion, John Irving's best books; forget Garp. I love that they are long, complicated, full of memorable characters and can make me cry and laugh.

[Citizen Reader]

Lesbrarian, Ruthiella, Katharine,
I'm starting to get the feeling that if I do get Owen Meany read, I'd better like it, or else I better keep quiet. :)

Why would it have to be so long?, she whines. I know I should get over judging books by their length but it's like the 90-minute movie (very few movies need longer than 90 minutes, in my opinion) rule--if it takes more than 300 to 350 pages I start to get really antsy. I may therefore have to start with Fried Green Tomatoes. (I have seen the movie, by the way, and liked it, primarily because I love Mary Stuart Masterson.)

[katharine]

Did you see this article about your other favorite writer/moneygrubber Friedman?
http://www.madison.com/wsj/mad/latest/45361
$75,000 for two hours? Isn't that what ex-presidents charge? Come on dude...

[katharine]

oops the link about the overcompensated writer should be:
http://www.madison.com/wsj/mad/latest/453618

[Brandon]

Only beause of Mary Stuart Masterson? Is she still working?

I remember FGT being something like a women's "Tom Sawyer." I also thought it was hilarious. God, when did that movie come out? I was probably in fourth or fifth grade. I still remember laughing when I realized they barbecued one of the men and fed him to the people at that pinic.

In fact, it's still good for a few chuckles. What a funny movie.

[All good, all the time]

Thank you, Lesbrarian, for your thoughtful answer, and also for your other comments on the blog.

[Citizen Reader]

Oh my GOD, Katharine, that guy is such a PIG! Now I think I'm going to have to post about that tomorrow.

Oh Brandon,
I can just picture you enjoying FGT. Speaking of eating people, here's a total Movie Party Night you should host sometime: a double bill of FGT, followed up by American Psycho. That should either scare your friends off you for life or bond them to you forever.

Mary Stuart. I wonder if she is still working. I'll have to look her up. Some of my fondest movie memories are of watching her and Eric Stoltz in John Hughes's classic "Some Kind of Wonderful." Ah, teenage chick flick. Superb.

[Danielle]

I just love Kashmira Sheth's writing style. Her book sroties are just amazing. I like to read a lot and I think she should start writing more books because her books always makes me think about a certain situation so I just love it. I haven't read Blue Jasmin, but if I can find a book then I'm planning to read it. Kashmira Sheth: Please write some more books. You are amazing.