Amen, my retail brothers and sisters.

I'll say this for many of the contributing authors in the essay collection The Customer is Always Wrong: The Retail Chronicles, edited by Jeff Martin: they know their way around a first paragraph. Consider these openings:

"The first rule of retail is that everyone wants to check out at once. I can stand at my cash register for half an hour without a single customer. Suddenly, by some hidden signal, everyone in the bookstore will get in the checkout line."

"The bookstore I work at has been my laboratory for analyzing, diagnosing, and treating assholes of all shapes and sizes."

"Mine is the story of a man who hates ice cream and of the world that made him."

And, hands down, the winner:

"It's been my experience that people don't have the slightest idea what they want, and will stop at nothing to get it."*

The entire book is a series of essays about retail and customer service, and if you've worked in service, I'm pretty sure you'll like it. I was completely amused, although I thought the quality of the essays was a bit uneven. But do give it a try, and consider buying it--if only to help all of these authors to never have to work in retail again.

*That last one is by Michael Beaumier, who also wrote one of my favorite nonfiction books of all time, titled I Know You're Out There (about when he worked in the personal ad department of a small newspaper).

Comments

[Venta]

Having worked at a fast food restaurant during college, I have to agree with "that people don't have the slightest idea what they want, and will stop at nothing to get it." I could stand for five to ten minutes waiting on someone to take the order. Really. It's a fast food menu. It doesn't change. Then my favorite: while the order is being made, the customer changes his mind.

I was always jealous of the retail people. From my perspective, they had to have smarter clientele, and they weren't covered in grease.

[Brandon]

I know, people are really shitty and stupid. I'd enjoy this book, as I love anything that confirms my low opinion of people.

The very thought of reading this alongside Picoult pisses me off.

[Citizen Reader]

Venta, dearest,
Anyone who's worked at any food establishment knows that people don't know what they want. Grr.

I had to laugh at your covered in grease comment (although I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time). I split the difference and worked at a Subway; still fast food but not quite as greasy (although God knows the tuna subs could pack on the pounds, as they were half mayo, half tuna. Yum!).

[Citizen Reader]

Brandon,
That's the thing, though. Sure, it takes about two days' worth of working in retail to think you really don't like people. But somewhere in the middle people get so off the chart bad they mainly just get funny, and this book also gets at the joy of that feeling as well. There is a camaraderie to retail work that can be beautiful on its best days.

I say that hoping I don't have to go back to customer service anytime soon. But I never say never.

You'll like it way more than the Picoult, I promise you. At least it's written by people who aren't simply intent on writing the crappiest shlock designed only to wrest money from women's purses.