What do you suppose I like about it?

I often think the phrase "what do you suppose I like about it?"* when I finish a book which I enjoyed, but didn't expect to. I had this thought last week when I blew through Lisa Scottoline's collection of short newspaper columns titled Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog. Let's run down the case for why I shouldn't have liked this book:

1. Scottoline's target audience is probably at least a decade older than I am, and can likely chuckle along with her stories about idiot ex-husbands (she calls them Thing One and Thing Two), grown children, and midlife womanly issues;**

2. She likes dogs. I do not.

3. She's perky. I am not.

So, you may be thinking, why did I pick this book up? Well, friends and neighbors, the title charmed me. And once I started reading it, I got sucked in by Scottoline's admittedly snappy writing*** and three-page chapters. I'll admit I was completely amused by her essay "Body Parts," in which she explains that while men are busy trying not to check out women's chests, women are busy trying not to obviously check out ring fingers. She describes one exchange where she was having a conversation with a charming man and they were both desperately trying not to look where they wanted to look. And this is how that ended:

"Then he kept talking and being more charming and getting handsomer by the minute, and I kept wondering, is he married or not? I kept waiting for the right moment to sneak a peek at his ring finger, but I knew he would see my eyes look down because he was staring so fixedly into my pupils, because he wasn't allowed to sneak a peek at my chest. I knew I wasn't supposed to reduce him to a finger anymore than he was supposed to reduce me to a chest, and for a time, we were almost in danger of getting to know one another...

He turned away first, and I got my answer. Married. So I wasn't interested.

Then he got his answer. 34A. So he wasn't interested." (p. 6.)

Sure, it's cliche. It's also kinda funny. The whole book is that way, and I'm not ashamed to say I read it all.

*I found this phrase in the Jean Kerr book Please Don't Eat the Daisies, in which an illustration of Jean and her husband staring at a monstrosity of a house is captioned, "What do you suppose we like about it?"

**At one point Scottoline describes her experiences with menopause and hot flashes, and how they make her feel enjoyably tingly and warm. Now, this is where I have to draw the line at good-natured acceptance of womanly life changes. For various and sundry health reasons we are not going to go into here, I have experienced temporary and premature menopause, and hot flashes are NOT ENJOYABLE. They are horrible and they wake you up about twelve times a night and every middle-aged woman who is cranky deserves to be so.

***Scottoline is better known as a bestselling mystery author, so she knows how to move her prose along.

Comments

[lesbrarian]

Here is a fun game! Substitute "Nora Ephron" for "Lisa Scottoline" throughout today's reading!

[Citizen Reader]

Hey,
Actually, I was charmed by Ephron's "I Feel Bad about my Neck," too, and I was too young for that one. Maybe I just feel in harmony with slightly older cranky ladies, or really, cranky anyone.

Nora's angry novel "Heartburn" was also spectacular. Take that, Carl Bernstein!

Thanks for the tip! (I plan to mine your expertise next time I have to write an Ephron or Scottoline read-alike blurb.)

[Ruthiella]

I have read a few of Scottoline's mysteries. To me, they are similar to the Janet Evanovich Stephanie Plum books, quick entertaining reads but eminently forgettable.

I'll take your word on the hot flashes, CR, but personally I am hoping to reach that certain age and realize that I already went through menopause, but did not notice it.

P.S. Totally off the subject, but I am just about finished with the Menage books and totally looking forward to it (unlilke menopause). This will be my first time in participating.

[Rachael]

I think I read one of her mysteries once, and didn't dislike it. I saw her at ALA last summer (author luncheon) and she's a very forceful personality, to be sure, and very very very funny. I definitely wouldn't mind hanging out with her for an afternoon and polishing off a bottle of something alcoholic, unlike, say...James Patterson or the Kellerman's. Or Nicholas Sparks. That might require sedation.

[Citizen Reader]

Ruthiella,
Yes, I just picked up a couple of her mysteries, and think I might try them.

Good luck with all that (missing menopause). I hear it happens but it's probably to the same women who swear childbearing isn't that bad.

We'll be so glad to have you for the Menage! I'm almost done with the Horwitz and then have to turn my attention to the Bryson.

Rachael,
Yes, I'm hoping the mysteries are as amusing as her NF. I'll bet she's a fun speaker--I don't know that I've ever used this phrase but she seems to me a real "live wire."

I'm pretty sure a bottle of something high in alcohol would be necessary to chat with Patterson or Sparks. And make sure to put it on their bill--they can pay.

[The Son You Never Had (and Sure as Hell Don't Want)]

I bet my mom would read Lisa Scottoline. And I'm 28. OH SICK BURN, CITIZEN READER!

[Citizen Reader]

Don't you sass me, young man. I have seen a lot in my (slightly more than your) years, and it has mainly made me angry. Like a female Hulk, you don't want to see me angry.

[Mary]

I enjoyed this too, and also Nora Ephron's book, and I am probably about the same age as Lisa. I liked her relationships with her adult daughter and her mother. I would suggest some of her earlier mysteries, the later books seemed a bit tired and far fetched to me.

[Mary]

And I can only wonder what Nora and Lisa think of today's news that we middle aged women have to exercise for an hour a day to keep our weight down.

[Citizen Reader]

Mary,
Yes, I got her first two mysteries, and am kind of looking forward to trying them. I hope her protagonist is as enjoyably feisty as she is.

Oh, god, exercising an hour a day. I'm not even a middle-aged woman yet and I don't even think that much exercise would help me lose weight. Especially around Easter, or as I call it, "Jelly Bean Season."

[Nursing apparel]

this is where I have to draw the line at good-natured acceptance of womanly life changes.

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