David Rose has a new sequel out to his great, great book They Call Me Naughty Lola. This one is titled Sexually, I'm More of a Switzerland, and it's more of the same greatness: personal ads from the London Review of Books, most of which give new meaning to the word "quirky." Traditionally I'm not a huge fan of the humor books you just have to dip into a little bit at a time, but I'll make an exception for these books. Here's some of my favorite ads:
"They gave me this personal advert for free because I moaned, whinged and complained like a mo'fo' over my last advert not getting any replies. Who's the winner now LRB? Me. It's me. I'm the winner and don't you ever forget it. Man, 29. Deprived of affection and most forms of human contact since birth, now just wants a ton of free stuff and to be loved."
"I am not as high maintenance as my highly polished and impeccably arranged collection of porcelain cats suggests, but if you touch them I will kill you. F, 36. Likes porcelain cats. Seeks man not unused to the sound of sobbing coming from a bedroom from which he is strictly prohibited."
"Rich old buggers about to peg it, write to attractive, nubile young filly."
"Don't refer to your biceps as 'guns' and you may stand a chance of me not wanting to kill you at the next LRB singles night. You know who you are. F, 37. Always remembers a face and any subsequent associatoins of despair."
Tee hee. That's good stuff. I want to live in London. Failing that, I want to subscribe to the London Review of Books. We'll have to wait and see which dream I make good on in my lifetime.
*If you enjoy these books you might also enjoy Michael Beaumier's fantastic memoir I Know You're Out There: Private Longings, Public Humiliations, and Other Tales from the Personals.