Citizen Reader

My most fervent desire for Elon Musk is that he eventually shoots himself into space and we never have to hear about him ever again.

Seriously, I hate him. And all his kind.

So when I saw there was an entire parody book titled Welcome to the Future: Which Is Mine, by "Not Elon Musk," well, you know I had to look into that.

And yes, it's funny. I can't read a whole lot of satire, or parodies, but when I flipped through this one there was lots to enjoy. Most notably the Foreword, by (Not) Mark Zuckerberg:

"To get the most out of reading this book, you will need to give me your personal information: A foreword by Mark Zuckerberg.

Hello!

Elon Musk, my close personal acquaintance/colleague, asked me to write this foreword...Before you start the exciting process of opening this book and looking at the thrilling words and fun images on its pages, I need you to take a brief moment of your time and give me all of your personal information.

This is a very important step in the partaking of this book, and it cannot be skipped. If you attempt to skip it, you will receive an error message and you will not be granted access.

Specifically, what I am asking you to do, before you flip to the next page or browse this book in any way, is to provide me with your email address, your work history, a street address where you can be reached at any hour of the day or night, and access to the camera on your phone.

This information will never be shared with advertisers or third-party app developers. You have the Mark Zuckerberg promise on that!" (p. 1.)

And it goes on that way for quite some time, getting steadily more hilarious and ridiculous. There's chapters headed with titles like "I Enjoy Normal Human Activities The Same As You" (he doesn't) and, my favorite, "Is It Weird That I Get a Little Jealous When Another Car Maker's Autonomous Vehicle Kills Someone?"

I enjoyed it, and it's nice to laugh at anything these days. Even though I don't think Elon Musk is any laughing matter. Seriously. The guy has made $20 million dollars EACH AND EVERY HOUR since January 1. That isn't right.

I also got a new essay published at Medium, and it's an ode to Mr. CR: "Famous Romantic Lines, If They'd Been Said By My Accountant Husband."He's a romantic fool, our Mr. CR.

Now: Happy weekend to all of you. Don't buy a Tesla.